


Who was I? Who am I now?

by Canadiantardis



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Recovery, blink and you miss france, blink and you miss the prucan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-02-20 19:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 16,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2440403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canadiantardis/pseuds/Canadiantardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Doe wakes up from a coma, but he had amnesia, and can’t even remember his own name. With no one who knew him before, all John Doe can do is try to find himself with the help of therapy. After a therapy appointment, he bumps into someone who swears she knew him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why can I understand you?

“He’s moving! Quick, get the doctor!” The nurse ran crying out of the room. “Room 192, John Doe is finally moving!”

* * *

 

Moaning, he tried moving his head to the side. He was only able to move it a fraction to the side, and suddenly there was loud noise and something bright. His face contorted in pain, but the noise and brightness didn’t go away. Why wouldn’t it go away?

“Sir, look!” Stabbing pain to the sides of his head. “The mystery man is finally waking up!”

“I can obviously see that. Now stop yelling, Ellan.” The noise didn’t hurt him as much as the other one, but it still felt unpleasant. “Can’t you see it might be causing him pain?”

There was still noise, but the stabbing pain noise wasn’t there. He relaxed a small bit, but tensed again as a brighter light was suddenly pushed through the front of his head. Suddenly he was able to see things that wasn’t just light, but shapes surrounding the light.

He moaned again, trying to shut out the light. He gave up after a while, and weakly kept his eyes open, looking around with his peripheral vision. Many shapes were surrounding him, but three or so were moving, touching his arms and neck and head for reasons he didn’t know.

“Son, can you understand me? Nod if you can.” The unpleasant noise said, coming from the closest moving shape. He nodded as best he could, feeling like his body was working way too slow.

Another moving shape gave a whooshing sound, and looked relieved.

_Wait, what is relief?_ He thought, eyebrows knitting together slowly. _What are these words? How can I understand? I don’t know anything. What’s going on?_

His mind panicking, a sharp loud noise started screaming besides him, causing the moving shapes to start making loud noise, and moving around quickly.

“Sir, calm down! Please, sir! Doctor, we might need to put him to sleep for a bit!” The stabbing noise was back, closest to the sharp loud noise.

Then he felt the darkness come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: I never even meant to write this. But I just suddenly thought, well, why not? So this little story came forward. I hope ya'll will enjoy it! So, from this point on, the main character will be called John Doe, until he regains his memories.  
> Sorry this is so short, but this is more of an introduction than anything else.


	2. Why can't I remember?

It had been three days since John Doe first woke up. He had learned that he had been in a mysterious coma for almost 15 years, having been found on the side of the road just outside the town he was in. The first thing the doctor (that was what the calm noise had said they were, as well as a man) had asked was what his name was. John had shook his head, after spending a full minute trying to remember.

“I… Can’t… Know… Remember.” He spoke in very broken words. “I… No remember… Nothing.”

After that, John had been told that he would be called John Doe until he was able to remember anything about himself.

Now, on the third day since he woke up, he was trying to sit and stand by the bed with the help of a nurse.

“Careful, hon.” This was a different nurse than the loud one he woke up to. He was lower and quieter. “Go slowly, don’t want ta be too hasty.”

John just grunted in response, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed one at a time. Next he raised himself until his back was off the mattress, and the weight of his body was off his back. He felt dizzy and swayed, but managed to stay upright with the help of the nurse.

“That’s really good, hon!” He lifted the corners of his lips. “Now comes da tricky part. Don’t worry, I’ll be right by ya.”

With the nurse helping him move from the bed, John felt the cold floor touch the bottoms of his feet. But as soon as he put all his weight on his legs, they gave out. With a shout of surprise, John nearly crashed down, if not for the nurse quickly holding him up.

“Woah!” He cried as he helped John back on the bed. “That was close!”

“Again.” John demanded, wanting to try to stand by the end of the day. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt like he just needed to remember to stand at least.

The nurse gave a slightly odd look, which John felt was like worry, but before he could really tell, the nurse took a small step back, nodding.

It took almost three hours of nearly falling when John was finally able to stand for more than a second. Both he and the nurse were beaming at the other.

“Well, that’s one thing outta da way. Maybe tomorrow or something we can try ta take a few steps?” The nurse asked, helping John back onto the bed. John said nothing but nodded, suddenly tired with all the work he had done.

* * *

 

Almost three weeks had past, and John was regaining his movements, his weight, and simple memories, like learning words and expressions. None of those memories had his name, or any name that could help him. He didn’t like being John, it didn’t feel like his name. He wanted to remember his own name, but his mind was blank every time he tried to take time to think.

He was moved to a smaller room, for semi-permanent patients. He was a little sad to know his nurse, Malcolm, wasn’t going to be seeing him when he moved.

“Sorry, hon. But my place is in Crit.” He had said sympathetically, patting John’s shoulder. “Maybe I can still visit, to see how ya’re doing.”

“Thank you. Malcolm.” John said, “I really am thanking you for help.”

“No problem, hon. I really hope ya get ya’re memories back soon.” Malcolm said as he left the room.

The new nurse that went into his room was very quiet, and barely spoke to John much, besides the usual questions.

After he was able to move properly again, he had to start going to these therapy appointments to see if John could get any more memories back, besides the smaller ones. Normally these meetings were just one long hour of fruitless endeavors. There were occasionally times when John was able to feel the beginnings of a memory, but it would slip away like smoke.

It was after one such appointment when he met her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: These chapters are so much shorter than I'm used to...  
> Not much to talk about with this. Kinda all just set up.


	3. Don't I know you?

John was walking down the hall, just a level away from his hospital room when he felt a hand tightly grip his forearm.

“Don’t…” A small feminine voice sounded from behind him. “Don’t I know you?”

John turned around, puzzled. Someone thinking he knew them? That was likely, but he wouldn’t really know.

“Pardon?” He asked, looking at the person.

It was a woman, with long brown hair tied in a ponytail and pretty amber eyes. She had a kind face, and wore clothes that John had never seen (he only ever saw doctor coats, professional suits or patient scrubs). She wore jeans and a V-neck tee with a scarf tied around her neck.

“Don’t I know you?” She asked again, her voice sounding pleasant to John’s ears, though he didn’t know why. Normally when he met a new person, it hurt to hear them speak for the first time. But with this woman, it was like they already met. “I swear I’ve seen that walk before. And… Your face.”

John looked at the woman quizzically. “I’m sorry. I don’t know if I know you.”

“How can you not know?” The woman demanded, releasing John’s arm.

“I… Can’t even remember my own name, see.” John looked at his feet, which were covered with hospital-issued shoes. “I can’t remember anything about myself, so I don’t know if I know anyone.”

“Oh? You have…” The woman paused, scrunching her face in hard concentration. “Amnesia, isn’t that the thing? You lost your memory?”

John just nodded, not looking up.

“Well, why didn’t you say so before?” Confused, John looked up and saw the woman smile warmly at him. “If I do know you, than I can help you regain your memories!”

John’s eyes widened almost comically. Could that really help him? Could _she_ really help him remember again?

“When was the last time you think you saw me?” John asked hurriedly, hoping this woman really did know him from before.

“Um… It was a long time ago. I was still in high school…” She grew a pensive face, her eyes looking to the distance. “I think it was maybe… at least fifteen years ago?”

“Yes! That could be possible!” John cracked a wide grin, and grabbed the woman’s hands before he realized what he was doing. “You could actually help me!”

“Veh?” The woman squeaked, surprised.

“Oh, sorry.” John let go of her hands, his face heating up. “I didn’t mean to act like that.”

“No. It’s fine. Just caught me off guard.” She smiled, and John smiled with her.

“Do you possibly remember my name?” John asked, hopeful.

She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t. But my name is Felicia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: I actually have no idea what living in a hospital is like, only from reading fanfics and hearing about it or watching a show.  
> These chapters are so short, but I don't really know, maybe I should keep them short?  
> Anyway, next chapter there might be more memories of John. Stay tuned!


	4. Can you remember anything?

John waited impatiently for it to be noon. Felicia said she would return to the hospital around that time and go with him to his therapy appointment.

He stared at the clock in the hallway as if hoping it would tick faster, but felt it was ticking very slowly.

His neck snapped up when he heard footsteps approaching him from around the corner.

“I’m really sorry about that!” Felicia cried, hugging John quickly before realizing she could be hugging someone she might not actually know. “I was running late because I couldn’t leave because they were doing this thing and they said I had to stay to help and I didn’t know what to do so I’m sorry!”

John blinked once. This woman talked much faster than he could catch up.

He shook his head before speaking. “It’s fine. You’re not that late, in fact.” He pointed to the clock to show that, in fact, Felicia was right on time.

“Oh, that’s good.” She slumped her shoulders in relief, before raising herself again and grinning. “Well? What are we waiting for? Let’s see if we can dig into that missing memory of yours!”

The two walked quickly, John in the front to show the way to his therapist’s office.

John knocked on the door to the office softly.

“Come in.” Called the voice.

John opened the door and made room for Felicia to walk in first before following right after her.

“Hello Doctor Kirkland. I brought someone who said she might actually know, from…” He ducked his head quickly, reddening for no real reason that he could think of, “before my coma.”

“Ah, yes, that is fine. You mentioned this when I called the other day.” Doctor Kirkland said, smiling at Felicia.

Doctor Alice Kirkland had been John’s therapist ever since he woke up and was able to speak. She always dressed in suits whenever John saw her, and had her hair up on either side of her head with a few pins to hold her bangs back.

“Hi!” Felicia grinned right back, and shook the doctor’s hand enthusiastically. “My name’s Felicia. Nice to meet you!”

“Charmed.” Kirkland smiled again, and then offered a couple seats for the two. “Now, please sit. I’d like to start the session.”

The two sat and waited for the doctor to sit as well. John and Kirkland spoke about the few days in between the sessions they had, which was about every second or third day.

“Now, on to what we hope to do today.” Kirkland leant a bit forward, putting her notes down for a bit. “I will be asking both of you the same questions, and hopefully we can find something.”

Both nodded, waiting.

“Okay, first question: what school did you two go to?”

“Oh, Hetalia High, in the next city over.” Felicia answered automatically.

Something about the name sounded familiar to John, so he nodded as well.

“You actually remember going to school, John?” Kirkland looked surprised.

“No, but…” John thought about the feeling. “The name sounds… Like I’ve heard it before. A lot.”

“Hmm.” Kirkland snatched her notes again and started scribbling quickly before looking up. “Okay, next question, but only for Felicia: if you know this person here, do you know his name or anything about him?”

Felicia was silent for about a minute, thinking hard. Finally, she let a sigh of frustration.

“I don’t know his name, we never talked, I think.” She bit her lip. “But I think he was in a class of mine the last I saw him, if he is the same one. Besides that.” She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Ah, okay. Thank you dear.” Doctor Kirkland jotted some notes again.

The rest of the session went by quickly, with questions that either John felt like he knew the answers to, or like they were gibberish.

“Thank you for coming to this, Miss Felicia.” Kirkland stood with the two, shaking both their hands as they stood by the door. “Please, come by if you have anything more to say that pertains to John.”

“Yes, I will. I want to help him!” Felicia smiled again, causing John to smile as well. It made him happy that a stranger wanted to help him regain his memories as much as he did.

“I will see you in a few days, yes, John?” Kirkland turned her attention to the man, who nodded.

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Hey look, it's Nyo England!  
> I'm sorry I didn't write anything for this for a bit. My other fandoms called all my attention for the past week. *coughHOMESTUCKcough* Still not recovered from that last upd8...  
> Anyway, we see something close to remembering. And next chapter, I'll give you a hint, He might remember something about his past, maybe his name?  
> I also decided he has two names, because it /is/ both HRE and Germany.  
> See ya next time!


	5. Why did HE leave?

_The boy stumbled through the halls, being pushed along by the sea of students going to various classes._

Why do I have to be here? _He asked himself, narrowly missing being trampled as he got to his locker._ I mean, he just dropped out and started a business. Simple as that.

_He got his binder and books for his next class, reluctant to leave to get to class._

But, no. _He rolled his eyes as he slammed his locker._ Da told me I can’t end up like my brother. I have to make good money and get a good job to do that.

_He neared his classroom and sighed._

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go to school. Maybe something could happen to me and I won’t have to go tomorrow.

* * *

 

John woke with a start, startled by the dream. It felt so real, maybe it was a memory.

_But,_ John reasoned, _if so, there wasn’t anything that could help me with my…_

“Brother!” He didn’t even realize he was out of his bed until he was already running to the closest patient-friendly phones to call Kirkland, not caring about the time.

“Who the bloody hell would be calling at this hour?” An annoyed sleepy voice answered the phone.

Suddenly, John was sheepish. “I-I’m sorry, Doctor Kirkland. It’s me, John. One of your patients.”

“Oh, John.” The voice sounded more awake, and John heard glass clinking on a surface. “I’m sorry. It’s just… Do you even know the time, dear?”

“No, sorry. But.” John took a moment to collect himself. “I might have just remembered something.”

“Are you certain, John?” Kirkland sounded even more serious. “Anything specific?”

“Not much, ma’am. It was strange, in the form of a dream, but too real to be a dream. I can’t recall much, but I think I have a brother, and it felt like he is older than me. He seemed to have dropped out of school and started a business, but I can’t remember what it was.”

“Really? This is great progress, John. Would it be okay if we have another session tomorrow instead of Tuesday?”

John nodded before realizing he was on the phone. “Yes, that will work for me. Same time as usual?”

“Yes, I will see you then. Get some sleep, and if you have another memory, tell me at the session.” Kirkland said and John ended the call.

John walked back to his room, smiling softly to himself at knowing something from his past. He had a _brother!_ Someone who was related to him. Maybe the man was alive and could help him! If only John could remember his brother’s name.

He went to sleep quite easily. But his dream wasn’t easy.

* * *

 

_“Oh screw you, dad!” The older teen shouted, face red with anger._

_“What the hell is your problem?” Da shouted back, just as red, if not darker._

_The two were fighting at the dinner table, and words were getting more heated until no one was eating and the two had knocked their chairs to the ground._

_Bella, one of the dogs his family had, hearing the raised voices, came into the room, hackles raised and ears down. The boy rushed to the dog and hurried her out of the room, luckily without the fighting two noticing. When they got angry like this, they took it out on anyone nearby._

Well, besides me. _He thought._ It’s weird, neither turn their anger on me.

_“You know what, I’m leaving!” The teen screamed, scaring him. His brother stormed out of the room, leaving Da and him alone._

_“… D-” He began before Da interrupted._

_“Go to your room. Now.” He demanded._

_“Bu-” He tried to argue._

_“NOW YOUNG MAN!” The man yelled, scaring him so badly, he scurried back to his room._

_Before he got to his room, he passed his brother’s room, and paused to see what he was doing. What he was worried him._

_“East, you can’t be-” He started, but again he was silenced._

_“Don’t even start.” His brother said, still looking pissed. “I’m leaving and never coming back until Da accepts what I do. Everything I do.”_

_“Come on, please.” He pleaded._

_“No. Until he does, I’ll be staying at You-Know-Who’s house. Don’t tell him though.”_

_“I’ve never told him anything about that.” He defended, feeling hurt. “Do you really not trust me on that?”_

_East’s face softened. “Course I trust you, bro. I’m just.” He sighs, rubbing his neck as he continued packing_. _“Reminding you.”_

_An hour later, he left, shouting again at Da as he did so. The boy stayed in his room, watching out the window._

Maybe Da will try to reconcile with East tomorrow. _He reasoned._ I mean, even with all the fights they have, Da can never stay mad at-

* * *

 

The alarm on John’s bedside table shrilled loudly, jolting him out of his dream.

_God Damn it!_

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Surprise! New chapter a few days early! I just really liked writing this particular chapter.  
> Sorry that my character is a bit OOC, I just wanted to have 'John' be like this when he was younger.  
> Can you guess who his brother is? *kinda obvious, but yea*  
> Things are getting rolling!  
> See ya next time!


	6. You had a Brother?

“So, you have a brother?” Kirkland asked, writing quickly, before looking up from her notes at John, who crossed his arms, trying hard to remember.

“Yes. It felt real. But also felt dreamlike. I can’t remember what he looked like, or even his name. But I keep thinking of East when I’m trying to recall having a brother.” John concentrated to not lose the memory. “I also remember Da. I think he was my…” He had to rack his brain for the word. “Parent, when I was younger. Everything else is kind of fuzzy, Doctor.”

“That’s alright, I am just ecstatic to know you are remembering something.” Kirkland gave a warm smile, which John had never seen on her face before.

“Do you think my family is still alive?” John looked hopeful at the doctor, but she just shrugged.

“I truly don’t know. I would hope so, but the chances that they are, and they just never went to search for you are very slim. It would make sense that they are no longer alive, but we have no way of knowing until you can remember a name.”

Just as she said that, Kirkland’s work phone went off, startling both people before she got up, quickly apologizing before answering the phone.

“What is it? I have-” Kirkland started, before shutting up completely as the person on the other line said something that shocked the doctor. “Wait, are you certain?”

The person on the other line spoke for a few minutes, and Kirkland just nodded and ‘hmm’ed and ‘yes’ed the whole time, her face not giving anything away. John didn’t know what to make of the phone call, so he just sat, thinking of his dreams. He told her everything that he could remember about the dreams, but he felt like he was forgetting something very important, he just didn’t know what it was.

John was really hating having amnesia.

“I’m sorry about that, John.” Kirkland’s voice jolted John back to the present. “And I’m sorry again, but I must go. Something happened in my personal life.”

“No, it’s okay. I understand.” John did not understand, but stood up anyway. “Do what you need to do.”

“I’m very sorry. I was hoping to have more time to see if you could remember anything more.” Kirkland was close to frantic as she tried to clean her office a bit, before slowing and grabbing a notebook.

“But, you could start recording your dreams, if you think they can help.” She said, handing the notebook to John. “Write down everything if you think it might be important. I will see you again on our original day.”

“Okay, doctor, I will. Is Miss Vargas coming again?” John really wanted to see Felicia again, maybe she could help with knowing his brother.

Kirkland nodded. “Yes, I asked her to come again just before this session started. She sounded really happy when I told her you might have remembered something.”

John nodded before walking to the door, Kirkland putting on a coat. He opened the door for the two, and she locked the door, saying goodbye again before all but full sprinting to the elevator.

John looked at the notebook in his hands, and sighed. Maybe he would be able to find something out if he wrote everything he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Heh, well, I meant to post earlier, but realized I hadn't finished this chapter. So, here we go! Hopefully I will now be able to post chapters regularly.  
> This is a bit of a filler chapter, sorry. But don't worry, next chapter should pick up the story's pace (maybe)  
> See ya then!


	7. Have you had any more memories?

Ever since he had those close memories, he hadn’t had anymore. Every time he went to sleep, he knew he was dreaming, not actual memories. Still, John wrote his thoughts and anything he wanted to write into the journal.

His writing looked strange, and it did not look anything like how he saw other people write. He couldn’t understand it, but paid little heed to it.

John was just walking to Doctor Kirkland’s office when he was almost run over by a small brunette blur. The blur side-stepped him perfectly, and was running so fast John didn’t even get a good look at anything besides the hair, which was flying behind the person.

“Sorella, per favore! Ritorno!” John heard a familiar voice shout from the direction the blur had run from. “Non si può semplicemente scappato da me ogni volta che provo a parlare con te!”

At that moment, John saw Felicia running toward him. She gasped and skidded to a stop, John catching her as she almost fell over.

“John! Oh!” Felicia suddenly smacked her head. “I nearly forgot about it! I’m so sorry!” She looked to where the blur had dashed off to, then back at John. “I’ll be right back, I just need to talk to a nurse real quick.”

Before John could react, Felicia had run off again. John stood there for a few moments, trying to understand what he had just witnessed. Slowly, he started back towards Kirkland’s office.

“Hello, John. Is Miss Vargas coming?” Kirkland asked politely as John entered the room.

“I…” John shook his head to clear his thoughts. “I believe so. I just passes her, she said she would be here.”

“That is good. I was thinking we could start by asking her if she knew anyone who looked like you but older, or if she knew of your brother or family.”

The two didn’t have to wait long before they heard loud footsteps and hurried knocking before Felicia breathlessly entered the room.

“I am so sorry for being late. Something happened and I needed to find a nurse and it took _forever_ to find one who knew about it and I just had to make sure they knew what to do and know which direction to start looking and…” She suddenly stopped herself, collecting air.

“It’s quite alright, Miss Vargas. We hadn’t been waiting all that long.” Kirkland soothed.

Felicia relaxed visibly, and sank into a chair.

“Now, I wish to ask you, Miss Vargas, if you knew of anyone who looked like John here, but in an older grade? Or if you know if John had any family?”

Felicia took a moment to think before slowly shaking her head. “No, I don’t. The school was quite big, and I mostly kept to my grade level, or… Nevermind. I only kept to my grade level. It was easier.”

Kirkland looked like she wanted to ask something else, but shook her head and wrote something in her notes.

“Okay, that was all I wanted to ask solely you, Miss Vargas. Thank you.” Kirkland turned to John. “Have you had any more memories? Have you written in the journal I gave you?”

John held to the journal tightly. “I haven’t had any more dreams, but I have been writing.”

“May I see briefly?” She extended her hand when John nodded.

She looked through the journal, skimming before stopping. She looked at John, than back at the journal.

“I did not know you knew how to write in German.”

“What?” Both Felicia and John looked surprised.

“This.” She lifted the journal a bit. “The writing is German. Looks like choppy German, but some of the words are undeniably German.”

“Oh, really?” Felicia looked interested, before growing deep in thought. “I… I think I do remember a few people in the school who were from Germany. I think it was a bit rare for there to be many German students, but I don’t remember why.”

“Hmm, that’s interesting.” Kirkland put down the journal to write more notes.

John wasn’t sure what happened, but suddenly the session was over, and he was outside Kirkland’s office holding his journal again, looking at Felicia.

“Well.” The voice nearly made John jump out of his skins. “I think I should go.”

Felicia made to leave when John grabbed her arm gently. She turned back, looking at him curiously.

“Um, sorry.” John let go of her arm, wondering what had gotten into him. He ran his hand through his hair, pulling it away from his face. “I meant to ask you something.”

“Hmm?” Felicia looked into his eyes, her amber eyes soothing him.

“I, uh, wanted to ask what…” John had to think a bit before actually asking. “Why were you running after that brown blur before the session?”

John saw he asked the wrong thing. Felicia broke eye contact, and took a step back, looking down.

“I-I…” Felicia took a few more steps, before turning quickly. “I forgot something, and have to go. Mi dispiace, ci vediamo più tardi!”

She all but bolted away, almost as fast as the brown blur she had been chasing before.

John stood where he was for a few minutes, looking after her, confused.

_What just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: All Italian  
> Sorella, per favore! Ritorno: Sister, please! Come back!  
> Non si può semplicemente scappato da me ogni volta che provo a parlare con te: You can not just run away from me every time I try to talk to you!  
> Mi dispiace, ci vediamo più tardi: Sorry, I will see you later!
> 
> Author's Notes: Sorry if this is bad Italian. I don't actually know it, so I'm using Google Translate.  
> Anyway, here is the new chapter! I thought I already wrote and posted this one over the weekend, but guess not. Sorry.  
> Slowly but surely this story is picking up the pace.  
> See ya next time!


	8. What's my name, then?

_Since his brother left the house, things had been tense with Da and him. Da still wouldn’t see eye to eye with his brother, and refused to accept anything about him. He didn’t really understand why, there was nothing wrong with East._

_Right?_

_At school it wasn’t much better. His classmates who had older siblings started spreading rumours throughout the grade about East eloping with the weirdo loner blond boy and starting a whorehouse in Canada, of all places. The boy heard these rumours wherever he went, and it got so bad he started fighting other students to make them shut up._

_It took a year of East being gone for the students to forget him and move on from bullying him._

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go to school. Maybe something could happen to me and I won’t have to go tomorrow. _He thought as he entered his class._

_The next day he saw a big truck heading toward him as he was walking home._

* * *

 

John woke up in a cold sweat, yelling. A nurse burst into the room a few seconds later, frantic and almost as disoriented as John himself. It took several minutes for both to calm down enough to talk to each other. John asked for just a pill to help him get a dreamless sleep and he would be okay. The nurse nodded before leaving to get the medicine.

While she was gone, John grabbed his journal and began writing as quickly as he could what he remembered before the nurse returned with a small plastic cup and a couple sleep pills.

John felt himself lucky he didn’t dream for the rest of the night.

In the morning, John woke up groggily, confused by the time and how bright it was. He was lucky today was one of his ‘its-okay-to-stay-in-bed-if-you-really-want-to’ days. He rarely had them since he moved wards all those months ago.

The whole day went by quickly, and all John did was nap, write, and only got up to get a quick thing to eat and go to the bathroom.

The dream he had really bothered him, and rereading what he wrote about it didn’t help much, besides learning he had been in school when he was put into a coma. And that he was hit by a truck that put him into the coma in the first place. He wondered why his Da had never tried to find him if he had been so young when it happened, and how he ended up in this particular hospital.

John was lucky to have a dreamless sleep that night, but he woke up with the same thoughts he had the day before

Groaning, John decided to get out of bed and walk around a bit, anything to distract him a bit from his thoughts, even for a minute.

He had been wandering the corridors of the ward for about ten minutes before he heard a familiar voice coming from one of the patient’s rooms, but he couldn’t understand what language it was.

“Per favore, sorella, dimmi qualcosa.” The feminine voice seemed to plead. “Perché non dire nulla di me adesso?”

John took a couple cautious steps towards the door of the room, wanting to see who Felicia was speaking to in that strange language.

“Zitto, stupido. Sai esattamente perché io non ti dirò più nulla.” Came a rather rough feminine voice from the room, making John blink in surprise. Was this the brown blur he saw the other day when he was going to his session? “Ora esco, ho già mi ripetuto abbastanza volte, idiota.”

“Ma…!” Felicia sounded almost desperate.

“NOW dannazione!” The rough female’s voice all but screeched, and before John could react, the door was thrown open, and Felicia was pushed roughly out.

John stood where he was, surprised to say the least, but as Felicia looked around her and saw him standing right there, he felt like a deer caught in headlights. She stared at him for a second before running away, toward the elevators, hand over her mouth as she made a strange noise John had ever heard before coming from her.

He watched as she ran, too startled to move, but jumped when he looked back at the door she had been pushed out of and saw a strikingly similar woman glaring at him with a look of poison. The woman in front of him had the same face as Felicia, but more tan, her eyes were dark green, almost hazel and her hair was darker than Felicia’s, pulled away from her face with a strip of cloth close to the top of her head.

The two stared at each other for about a minute before John couldn’t take it anymore and looked away, looking into the room. He didn’t see much, because the rooms had to be sparse so patients could get better without any distractions around them, or anything that might hurt them. He saw a bedside table and a bed, but everything else was blocked by the door and the woman standing in front of him.

“Dannazione, sei tu. E 'grazie a te che tutto è diventato così di merda per noi.” She spat out, narrowing her eyes at him hatefully.

“I don’t-” John began, wanting to tell this woman he had no idea what she was saying, but was cut off when the woman whirled back into the room and slammed the door as hard as she could.

John stood where he was for several minutes, before moving numbly away, to the recreation area, and sat down, trying to wrap his head around what he just witnessed. He tried to understand, but for the life of him he couldn’t seem to understand what he had just seen. He was thinking so hard his head started to pound in pain, until he had to ask a nearby nurse for some anything to stop the pounding in his head. When the nurse returned with a pill and the small cup of water, John took both quickly before returning to his room. He wrote in his journal again on everything that happened that day, adding his thoughts and questions he would want answered if he could ask them.

Soon after he fell asleep again, but he wasn’t lucky enough to have a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

_“Hey, East!” He shouted from behind his snow fort, waiting for his brother to fall for his trap. He had the perfect strategy to win this snowball fight._

_“What? You can’t be ready already?” His brother called back from what he could only guess was his own fort._

_He laughed quietly, eyes sparking with mischief, as he slowly lifted his head a bit over his fort to see where his brother was._

_He barely had his head an inch over the edge of his fort before he felt something freezing and hard smack the top of his head._

_“Owwww!” He cried, grabbing his head in surprise and hurt as he heard his brother howl in laughter._

_“Gotcha! You were too slow, little bruder!” East cackled, appearing at the entrance of the fort, hands on hips in victory. “Rule number one in battle: always be ready for an attack or counter attack at any moment if you want to win.”_

_“That was mean. And that hurt. What did you put in that snowball, ice?” He rubbed his stinging forehead._

_“Sorry, West, but it was a regular old snowball, made with the stickiest snow around.” His brother stepped forward, face softening as he pulled him up to check on his forehead. “And c’mon, it couldn’t have hurt that much, could it? I’ve been hit with actual ice balls before, and they didn’t hurt that bad.”_

_“Seriously?” He didn’t believe his brother for a moment._

_“Of course, I wouldn’t lie to my baby brother, would I?”_

_“I’m not a baby!” He retorted._

_“Yeah, yeah, I know, you’re a big strong guy, but snowballs hurt you so easy!” His brother teased, poking his cheek before running off to the house. “C’mon! Da made hot chocolate for us when we were tired of playing.”_

_“Coming, East!” He picked his way through the snow to the door._

_“Hurry up, Derrick, it’ll get cold!”_

* * *

 

John woke up, and only one thought popped into his mind.

_Don’t call me Derrick._

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: All in Italian  
> Per favore, sorella, dimmi qualcosa-Please, sister, say something.  
> Perché non dire nulla di me adesso?-Why won't you tell me anything anymore?  
> Zitto, stupido. Sai esattamente perché io non ti dirò più nulla-shut up, stupid. You know exactly why I won't tell you anything anymore.  
> Ora esco, ho già mi ripetuto abbastanza volte, idiota-Now get out, I've already repeated myself enough times, idiot.  
> Ma!-(Actually means But in English. Never knew this!)  
> dannazione- Dammit  
> Dannazione, sei tu. E 'grazie a te che tutto è diventato così di merda per noi-Dammit, it's you. It's because of you that everything became so shitty for us.
> 
> Author's notes: Sorry, guys! School and all, but since the semester is ending in like 2 days, I'll be able to update more often with this story, as well as the other story I'm doing, Wind and The Mind.  
> Well, there is a name? Someone told me that a fanon name for HRE is Derrick, sooo.  
> Also, if anything that is Italian is incorrect, please tell me, cuz I'm using Google Translate.  
> Things are picking up, more mystery, and is that who I think it is? And hey, look, it's longer than my other chapters!  
> Hopefully sometime over the week I can upload a new chapter before next weekend. If not, I will see ya next week!


	9. Is my name Derrick?

_Don’t call me Derrick. Don’t call me Derrick. Don’t call me Derrick._

John shook his head violently as he tried to write in his journal about his memory, but the thought would not leave him. He didn’t understand the thought, or why it wouldn’t leave him.

John tried to follow his schedule for the day, but kept spacing out by thinking about the memory. He knew this was more important than his other memories, because it might actually have his name, even though he felt like Derrick was not really who John thought he was.

He really needed to talk to Doctor Kirkland about it, but had to wait another day for his session. He had asked a nurse if she was in, and found out it was her off day. John had nearly forgotten the Doctor did have a life he didn’t know about and would need time off from helping the people in the hospital.

John waited impatiently for it to be the next day. He really needed help from the doctor, and he didn’t even know if Felicia was in the hospital, seeing the strange woman that spoke in gibberish. John couldn’t even remember where that room was, so he decided to not even try to look for them.

The next day came finally, and before John could realize it, it was time for his session with Kirkland. He finished writing more thoughts in his journal and briskly walked over to the doctor’s office.

The session started quickly with pleasantries and brief overview of how John’s been feeling for the past couple days.

“So, what have you written in your journal this time? You’re clutching it rather strongly, John.” Kirkland observed, and John realized she was right. He was nervously playing with the journal in his hands, opening and closing the book absentmindedly.

John briefly explained what happened with Felicia and the girl, and his thoughts on that encounter.

“They were both speaking gibberish, and I didn’t understand a word of what they said, but the other woman sounded rather spiteful when she saw me.” John said.

“I don’t think they were speaking nonsense. I think they were just speaking in another tongue. From Miss Vargas’ accent, I would say Italian, though I could be wrong.”

“Oh, really?” John looked pensive as he thought over this. It would make sense that it was just another language, though he had never heard of this language before.

“Yes, now, you are still fidgeting with the journal, is there anything else you wrote?” Kirkland asked.

“Ah, yes. I had another memory.” John started, trying to clear his thoughts of everything but the memory.

He recounted everything he could remember, and as he got to the end of his story, he paused.

“Is that it? This does not seem to help much, besides learning a bit more about this unknown brother of yours.” Kirkland said, jotting down various notes.

“No, uh, right at the end of my memory, my brother had called to me, and called me…” John petered off, unsure how to explain the rest.

“You mean you know your name?” Kirkland lowered her notes, surprise written across her face.

“I… I think so. He called me a name, but when I woke up, I thought that I didn’t like to be called that name.” John beat around the bush.

“John, please tell me what he called you. It would really help to find out more about your past, and things could move forward.”

“He called me Derrick. But I really don’t think I’m Derrick. I don’t know how to explain it.” John – no, Derrick – said, shaking his head.

“Maybe you had changed your name or something similar to that as you got older. This must have been an older memory, when you were much younger.” Kirkland started jotting down more notes furiously. “But in any case, this is wonderful. We now should have enough to find out more about your past. We have a name, family relations, and at least the possibility of where you went to school.”

“Can you really find out more about my past without my memories?” Derrick asked, intrigued.

“With any luck, yes.”

Chapter done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: So apparently some people call HRE's human name Derrick, but I've also heard Otto, so I had to choose between those two and thought Derrick sounded better, so yea.  
> Not much to say for this chapter, kinda filler-ish.  
> Anyway, I will see ya next chapter!


	10. My name is...?

Derrick spent the next few days being asked tons of questions now that he knew at least his name, and the nurses who knew him had to start remembering to call him Derrick and not John anymore.

He still wrote in the journal and occasionally tried to look for Felicia, but could never find her again. He would think he hears her, but whenever he turned the corner, there was no one. Derrick started thinking he was losing it.

“Jo-I mean, Derrick?” He blinked, coming back to the present when Kirkland called to him.

“Uh, sorry about that. Yes?” Derrick rubbed his eyes before turning his attention to the doctor.

“I was just asking how you’ve been since the last session.” She said almost questioningly.

Derrick shook his head. “Oh, sorry. I’ve been… Good, I guess.”

“Why do you say, ‘you guess?’? Did something happen?” Kirkland looked interested.

“Well, more like nothing happened.” Derrick sighed. “I’ve been trying to find Miss Vargas since that day, and I haven’t been able to at all.”

Kirkland watched Derrick for a few seconds before speaking. “I’m sure Miss Vargas is just busy and can’t be at the hospital all the time. If you wish, I could contact her and ask her to join us for a session again. She might like to know you found out more about yourself.”

Derrick nodded, really wanting to see Felicia again.

“Alright, I will call her to come in next session.” Kirkland said finally. “Now, I believe time is up for this session. I’ve noticed your journal is nearly bursting with words. Are you nearly done with that?”

Derrick looked at the journal, realizing she was right. He was running out of room to write, so he nodded.

“I’ll bring another journal for you to write in for the next session.” She said. “Hopefully you can still write everything before the session starts.”

Derrick nodded and left.

* * *

 

Not much happened before the next session, so Derrick hadn’t had to write much in his journal.

He walked briskly to the doctor’s office, wondering if he would see Felicia.

He was pleasantly surprised to see her sitting next to Kirkland already.

“John!” She cried, looking worried.

“Uh, it’s actually Derrick.” He replied, not really sure how to greet her.

“Derrick? You don’t look like a Derrick.” Felicia cocked her head to the side slightly.

Derrick nodded. “I feel the same, but I am apparently Derrick.”

“Veh, Derrick.” Felicia sounded out the word, before scrunching her nose. “Well, if that is your name, I should try to remember that.”

There was a bit of a pause before Doctor Kirkland stepped in.

“Well, we should start the session. Derrick, any more memories?”

Derrick shook his head. “Not since the memory of my name. But I still wake up with the thought of ‘Derrick’ not being what I like to be called.”

“You don’t even like your own name?” Felicia piped up, looking at Derrick curiously.

“Not really. But I don’t even know why I don’t like my name. I just don’t.” He shrugged.

“I think I might be able to help with that, dear.” Kirkland smiled.

“Really? How?” Felicia asked while Derrick just looked surprised.

“As I told him a couple sessions ago, I was going to find out if I could learn any more about him from archives and such since I have what could possibly be a solid base of information, and I have been able to find some.” As she spoke, Kirkland pulled out some papers from a bag.

“Now, I decided to look at the school you mentioned before, Miss Vargas. The Hetalia High School. I asked if I could search through some student info from fifteen years ago, and was allowed. I looked through many files of students named Derrick, but none were you, until I got to a particular student folder with two names.”

“Two names?” Felicia and Derrick asked.

“Yes. It seems that a student had asked to change their name legally, and as such, both his birth name and new name were put together.”

“What was the other name?” Derrick asked, leaning forward in interest.

“It seemed like the other name for the student was… Well, why don’t you see for yourself?” Kirkland gave him the papers she was handling.

Derrick took the papers and, with Felicia looking over his shoulder, they looked at the top of the page where two names were placed in small print.

The first name was Derrick, his birth name, while the name under seemed very familiar to him.

“Ludwig?”

Chapter done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Well, now I'm adding more information! I was unsure if I wanted everyone to find out when he had a dream or if I wanted Kirkland to find out first, so, went with Kirkland!  
> I might now be changing between Ludwig and Derrick when we see more memories, depending on the age of him.  
> See ya next chapter!


	11. What should I call you?

“Ludwig?” Felicia’s eyes seemed to spark. “I know that name! Why do I know that name?”

“Well, if you look at this school photo, it might help.” Kirkland said, pointing to a photo on the corner of the page.

The picture looked like any student photo. A young boy with overly gelled-back blond hair smiling awkwardly at a camera. The smile looked more like a frown, and his eyebrows were scrunched together, as if confused why he was getting a picture taken. The boy looked in his mid-teens, just at the beginning of High school.

Derrick – or was he Ludwig? – looked at the picture, before suddenly feeling a slight pain in his head.

* * *

 

_“It’s picture day at your school today, isn’t it, Derrick?” Da asked._

_“Yes, Da, but I keep telling you, don’t call me Derrick.” The boy, Ludwig, groaned. “We’ve talked about this. You even signed the paperwork! My name is Ludwig.”_

_“No, your real name is Derrick, and that is what I will call you in this house.” Da replied annoyed._

_“Da, are you serious? We’ve been over this a hundred times!” Ludwig cried as he angrily grabbed his box of cereal. “You said you would respect my name change. It’s not that extreme, anyway. It’s just my middle name.”_

_“That’s the name_ _your_ mother _wanted to name you.” Da spoke with a hint of venom whenever a topic encroached on Mom-territory._

_Ludwig groaned but didn’t answer, deciding to eat in angry silence. He finished quickly, putting his bowl and spoon in the dishwasher before running back to his room to change into nice clothes for picture day._

_It took him a little while to track down a shirt that would be nice enough. He went to the bathroom to change, and spent the usual fifteen minutes getting his hair perfect. Ludwig hated having his hair in his face, and often gelled it back. Since today was picture day, he had to make sure his hair wouldn’t move, so he had to spend a little extra time to perfect his gelled hair._

_“Derrick! The bus!” His Da shouted from the living room._

_Ludwig growled in annoyance. He didn’t know why his father always had to call him by his first name. He hated it, and always thought of himself as a Ludwig. Even East thought so too._

_He grabbed his backpack and raced out of the house to catch the bus, yelling bye as he slammed the front door closed._

_He got on the bus, and noticed seat had a person, and few had an open spot for him. Sighing, he sat next to a girl his age._

_The two sat in awkward silence before the girl tapped Ludwig on the shoulder shyly._

_“Hi. I’m Feli.”_

* * *

 

“… ‘ello? Hey? Hey!” He snapped his head up, not even realizing he had fallen unconscious.

“Are you okay?” Kirkland’s voice swam to his ears.

“Huh?” Ludwig – or was he Derrick? – asked intelligently.

“Well, at least you’re awake again. What happened to you, dear?” She asked calmly, giving Felicia some water to calm her down.

“What happened? Uh…” Ludwig didn’t understand what happened. “I think I might have had a flashback?”

“Oh?” Kirkland looked very intrigued, urging him to speak.

Ludwig told the two women what he remembered, trailing off before he got to the bus ride, glancing at Felicia.

Felicia gave a startled look, but then frowned, looking confused.

“I don’t know why I can’t remember. Do you think I knew you back then, Jo – I mean…” Felicia paused uncertainly, looking at him curiously. “What should I call you?”

“Just call me Ludwig. That is the name I like best.”

Chapter done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Kinda short, I know, but I was actually gunna end it at "I'm Feli" but decided that would be wayyyyy too short. Things are getting interesting! Hehe, hope you guys are enjoying this story as much as I am!  
> See ya next chapter! :D


	12. Who's East?

Ludwig felt lighter. He finally had a name he liked, that felt like it was him. His head didn’t hurt as much, and he could think more clearly.

He was wandering the hospital, a silent mantra of his name repeating in his head, giving him a sense of relief.

He remembered what Kirkland had told him after he learned his name with Felicia.

* * *

 

“Since we now know your name, I was able to find some more about you, and was able to uncover this mysterious East you’ve talked about” She smiled at him reassuringly.

“Really?” Ludwig sat up straight, almost off the couch in anticipation.

“Veh, who’s East?” Felicia asked.

“Yes, Ludwig, I found a name. And Felicia, remember when Ludwig had that memory about having a brother? He would always call him East, though neither one of us could tell why.”

“Oh, okay. That’s wonderful!” Felicia smiled warmly at Ludwig, holding his upper arm. “You have a fratello, that’s great!”

“Yeah, thanks.” He smiled back at her, before turning to Kirkland. “Can you tell us the name?”

“Yes, it was simple to find his name, Gilbert, but finding anything else has proven to be harder.” Kirkland told them.

“What do you mean? Is he dead?” Ludwig almost fell off the couch.

“Not that I can tell. He seems to be living, and his business has boomed. What is hard to find, is where he is now. The last report on where Gilbert was a couple years ago. I’ve contacted the place, but he no longer lives there. A few colleagues and I have been searching for a bit and haven’t come up with any good leads.” She explained.

“Do you have a picture? I feel like I’ve heard that name a lot when I was younger.” Felicia asked.

“Hm? Yes, I do. Wait a moment.” Kirkland searched in a folder before producing a photo and offering it to Felicia, Ludwig looking over her shoulder.

The photo seemed a few years old. The man in the photo was in his early 30s, a couple years older than Ludwig, with the strangest visage Ludwig had seen. He had blood red irises, pale skin, and choppy stark white hair that looked really messy. He was giving the camera a smirk, and Ludwig could tell there was something mischievous behind those eyes.

Ludwig couldn’t see any resemblance between him and the man in the picture, before looking closely. He saw the same shape of eyes, the same face, and his hair looked like Ludwig’s when he woke up in the morning.

Suddenly he felt many memories burst forth, too many to keep count of. There were some of him and Gilbert building snowmen and then pelting the snowmen with snowballs, others of Gilbert helping him with math, and the last time Ludwig saw Gilbert at home, storming out of the house, straight to his car and driving off. He saw him in such vivid detail; he couldn’t understand how he had forgotten how his brother had looked.

When Gilbert was younger, he looked like a rebellious teen, so unlike the picture in front of him now. He would wear multiple layers of clothes no matter the weather, his hair even messier, as if he didn’t know the meaning of the word brushing.

* * *

 

Ludwig smiled as he walked, reaching his room.

Kirkland said when she found anything else she’d tell him. When they had ended the session, she had told the two about Ludwig’s last name, which was Beilschmidt. Felicia had given a small, barely detectable gasp at the name, but Ludwig hadn’t asked.

_I hope my brother is out there somewhere. I’d like to meet him again._ John thought as he entered his room, setting his journal on the bedside table.

Chapter Done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Merry Christmas everyone! Today you get two chapters!  
> For Fem!Ita's character, I've been trying to incorporate her Ve~ more often, while still sounding natural and not just ditzy.  
> Anyway, more information about Ludwig's past.  
> Don't know how long this story is going to be, but there is still more to be told. I plan to end it when Lud is out of the hospital. How long that can take? Who knows!


	13. Are you my brother?

It took months before Kirkland gave any happy news about Ludwig’s brother. During that time, he had started guessing maybe his brother had died sometime. Though that didn’t make sense, since when he told his theory to Kirkland, she told him they would’ve heard about a death.

About three months after he had learned his name and his brother’s name, Ludwig went walking to Kirkland’s office, wondering why she asked him to come in. They weren’t scheduled for another session until tomorrow.

He knocked on the door, and entered when he heard a firm ‘Enter’ from the room.

“Ah, Mr. Beilschmidt, I have good news, finally.” Kirkland stood up and shook his hand, different from all the other sessions the two of them had had.

“What news? About what?” Ludwig asked, returning the handshake before sitting on the couch.

“About your brother, Gilbert.” Kirkland smiled at Ludwig’s expression. “We might have found something.”

“Really? What?”

“After searching for a while, one of my colleagues found an article about a Beilschmidt. After closer examination, we found that the person being mentioned looked identical to your brother. We have sent a letter to the place we found the article and they have just messaged us back with a confirmation on our suspicions.”

Ludwig’s eyes widened, and he had to remember to breathe.

“They told us your brother is living in the city on the other side of where you used to go to high school. We asked for the address if they had it, and they agreed to give it to us.” Kirkland then took a piece of paper and handed it to Ludwig. “We’ve also written half of a letter to send to him, and would like you to give him a message, if you wish.”

Ludwig looked over at the paper, and read that it was basically asking if Gilbert was the same man who had a younger brother by the name of either Ludwig or Derrick. There was empty space where Ludwig would most likely be able to write his portion.

“Yes, I will definitely write to him.” Ludwig nodded before Kirkland could formally ask him.

“Okay. You can have a couple hours to write it. We should send it as soon as possible.” Kirkland told him.

Ludwig nodded again, and the two separated. Ludwig went to the recreation room to sit and write in peace.

He sat at a table, with a pencil in a hand, before stopping to think about what he could write about. He decided to just write about whatever came to mind.

_“Dear East. Hopefully this is you. If this is you, this is your younger brother, Ludwig. I had lost my memory for almost half a year when I woke up after apparently being in a coma for fifteen years. Did you know about that? I’m still not completely sure about the whole thing, but I seem to remember being hit by a truck.”_

Ludwig didn’t know how to continue writing, so he just ended with another hoping it was the Gilbert he hoped it to be, and ended with his name.

Ludwig read over his writing, before feeling it was good enough and walking back to Kirkland’s office to give her the letter. She accepted it and told him she would contact him when they get a reply.

Ludwig hoped for the reply to come quick.

Chapter done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: I know this is a bit short, but really.  
> Figuring out names for these chapters are getting harder to do... I'm trying to keep up with the questions, but ugh... But I'll persevere!  
> See ya next chapter! Happy holidays and winter!


	14. Reunions?

Ludwig didn’t have to see Kirkland as often as before, now that he was remembering more about himself. She told him after he gave back the letter to his – hopefully it was the right one – brother that they’d wait for another session when they receive a reply. Ludwig would just have to keep writing things down, like always until the reply came.

Turns out he didn’t need to wait too long. About two weeks after the letter was sent, Ludwig was told he would have a session in a couple days. The nurses who saw him regularly were almost in a tizzy when they told him, but when he asked why, they would calm down and change the subject, or say they have to go relieve another nurse.

The day before his session with Kirkland, Ludwig saw a familiar face.

“Allo, hon. Sorry it took so long for me ta see ya.” Malcolm said, leaning on the door frame of the activities room.

Ludwig jumped from his chair, walking quickly to Malcolm and giving him a hug. He was fond of the nurse, even if it had been months since he last saw him, since he was in ‘Crit’.

“Malcolm, I thought I’d never see you.” Ludwig said, letting go of his old nurse.

“Well, I had ta see ya, hon. Had a promise ta keep, see?” Ludwig smiled at the way Malcolm spoke. “And I finally had enough time during da day ta visit ya.”

“Well, it’s great to see you as well, Malcolm.” Ludwig smiled before realizing he had a lot to tell his old nurse. “You want to know what I remember now?”

“Ya remember stuff, hon? That’s great!” Malcolm grinned, walking to an unused small table so they could sit across from each other. “So, what do ya remember, hon?”

“Well, it’s still a bit fuzzy. I know a bit about my family, like I have an older brother and a Da. I found out I have two names I identify with-”

“Two names? How can ya have two names?” Malcolm interrupted.

“Well, I have my first name, which I had hated since I was young, and so I used my middle name, because I liked that one better.”

“Are ya not gunna tell me what da name is, or will I have ta say hon and John forever?” His words sounded harsh, but there was a kind smile on his face as he said it.

“Oh, sorry. I’m Ludwig. Derrick Ludwig Beilschimdt.” He introduced himself formally to Malcolm, who smiled widely.

“Ya sound…” He tilted his head with a ghost of a smile on his face. “More certain of yaself than before, Luddy.”

Ludwig had the starting of a memory appear, but held it off for now. He wanted to talk more with his old nurse who had been so kind to him while he had been in Crit.

“Thanks, Malcolm, I feel more certain now that I can remember my old life.” Ludwig smiled before wiping it off his face as he remembered the most recent memory, before waking up at the hospital. “I also remember just before going into a coma.”

“Really, Luddy? Do ya wanna share it with me? Ya don’t have ta, ya know.” Malcolm noticed the sad look on Ludwig’s face as he spoke.

Ludwig nodded. “It’s just, I still don’t understand how I ended up here. I was walking home, and was hit by a truck. I was just in high school, and the high school is just in the next city, so how did I end up here?”

Malcolm thought a bit before answering. “That’s a toughie. I dunno, Luddy.Maybe ya’ll find out soon.”

The two talked some more, and Ludwig learned more about Malcolm as conversation continued. Malcolm had a few brothers and sisters, and they all went into the medical field. One of his sisters worked in this hospital as a neurosurgeon, while a brother works as a doctor in the ER.

They spent a long time talking about family and their childhoods, and all too soon visiting hours were ending.

“Well, Luddy. It was awesome ta see ya again. Maybe we can meet up again sometime.” Malcolm called as he walked to the elevator.

Ludwig waved to his new friend, before stilling as he saw a familiar brunette enter the elevator with Malcolm. She saw Ludwig and all but bolted through the elevator doors.

Ludwig really wanted to talk to Felicia since the last time they saw each other, but she would bolt like a startled deer. He wanted to fix whatever he had done, but couldn’t figure out what he did in the first place.

_Maybe I should ask the nurses if I could find out about that other girl Felicia’s with a lot._ He thought as he returned to his room, turning in for the night. _Not tomorrow though, I have that session with Kirkland._

He slept dreamlessly.

* * *

 

Clutching the journal, which was by now almost full of his thoughts and memories, Ludwig walked down the familiar corridors to Kirkland’s office. He saw the door open, and to be polite, knocked on the door before entering.

“Hello, doctor.” He greeted her as usual.

“Hello, Ludwig.” Kirkland smiled. Ludwig noticed her had changed her usual attire. She still wore her professional clothes, but her hair was down, swept over one shoulder.

Ludwig didn’t comment. “So, you said last time we’d have a session when we got a reply, right?”

“Yes.” She smiled again before composing herself. She rummaged through her folder before producing a piece of paper. “Here is the reply we received from the man.”

She handed it to Ludwig, ad he read slowly.

_Doctor Kirkland._

_Thank you for contacting me. It came to a very big shock to find out the reason I had not heard from my baby brother in so long. All of what you, as well as that personal letter from Lud, said matched up. I am indeed that same awesome brother._

_There’s so much I want to say, but it just isn’t enough to write it down. So let me tell it to you personally._

_Gilbert Dieter Beilschimdt_

“Personally?” Ludwig looked up from the letter, confused.

Kirkland could barely contain herself. She stood up, and crossed the room to the door, rushing out for a minute. Ludwig was stuck in his seat in confusion, but didn’t have to wait long before Kirkland walked back in, followed by another person.

Ludwig barely heard her introduce the man before launching himself out of the seat and into the man’s arms, suddenly reliving the last time he had seen that shock of white hair, those mischievous red eyes, and that wicked smirk.

“It is you.” The man said thickly, and Ludwig saw tears well up, but refused to fall.

“Brother.”

Chapter Done!

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: I'm really sorry I haven't updated this story in a while. Kinda got distracted by a lot of things.  
> Anywho, this story is close to the end. I'd say maybe 5 or so more chapters, maybe an epilogue, before it's over.  
> This has been a lot of fun to write. I don't really care how many people read this, but it gets me really happy when I see how many people have read it, and how many people liked it enough to leave kudos.  
> Before I go sappy on all y'all, I should maybe end this note.  
> I'll see ya next chapter!


	15. Gilbert, where's Da?

Both men didn’t move from their spots for several minutes, and neither wanted to let go of the other, thinking if they did, they’d never see each other again.

Ludwig felt like he was twelve again, before he brother had left the house during that big fight with Da. He tried not to let tears fall, but they fell anyway, rolling down his cheeks and catching on Gilbert’s shirt because he was pressing his face on his brother’s shoulder. He felt his brother shaking, and he guessed he was also overcome with emotions like Ludwig.

“Mein Gott, Lud. I thought…” Ludwig heard his brother clear his throat several times before trying to speak again, and yet his voice still cracked. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

“I’m glad you were wrong.” Ludwig whispered, knowing his voice would shake.

He pulled away from his brother to look at his face. The red eyes had tears brimming, but they refused to fall. They smiled and gave shaky laughs before Ludwig brought his brother to the couch, because he could feel his legs get weak.

They sat and almost jumped when a box of tissues seemed to float to them, before realizing it was Kirkland, who seemed to be trying not to smile broadly at the reunion.

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat to get their attention. “Now, I’d like to ask both of you questions that could help Ludwig here. While he has been getting his memories back slowly, maybe having someone that had been very close to him would help fill in the spots and maybe even speed up his recovery.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Anything to help mein bruder.” Gilbert changed back to the smirk he had before Ludwig had crash-hugged him.

“Alright. So, can you tell me about life when you were young? Ludwig has given me some vague memories, and seemed to remember you and your father. Did anything happen to your mother?” Kirkland kept a neutral voice and tone, but it was soothing, like the times she had asked Ludwig – when he was still John – if he could remember anything at all.

Gilbert shifted as if uncomfortable. “Well, when we were really young, our Mutti had… I think she had cheated on Da, and they got a divorce. Luddy here was just a tike, just learning to talk when Da got custody of us. He made us move, we were originally from Germany. Berlin, actually. Anyway, we moved north to Belgium for a bit. I can’t remember why we moved again, but Da made us move again when Lud was eight here.”

Gilbert paused, and Ludwig thought about what he said. He could remember parts of what he was saying. He saw the old house they had in Belgium, the house they would play in the snow a lot. When they moved from Belgium to here, both boys had been really sad that there was rarely any snow during the summer.

“It was while we lived here that I started having a problem with Da. Lud was starting Middle School, and I was in Hetalia High. I realized when I was in Sophomore Year that I wanted to start a business on my own, and knew what to do already. Da was furious I didn’t want to graduate and go to University. We fought almost every school night. But he wasn’t just mad that I didn’t want to graduate. He had met some of my friends and thought they were thugs or people who would sleep around. Like, okay, this isn’t so much about Lud, but one of my friends named Francis, is a bit of a flirt, and would go through girlfriends like every week. My Da would call him all sorts of names, from a player to almost calling him a slut.” Gilbert’s eyes were distant, but Ludwig noticed his face stiffened in anger. “He didn’t realize that Francis never slept with those girls he dated. Fran would tell our friends that they always tried to pressure him to sleep with them, but he always refused. That’s why he kept dumping girls and getting new girls to date.”

“You fought with your father a lot about your friends?” Kirkland asked, jotting down notes. “Did the fights ever get physical?”

“Physical?” Gilbert came back to the present before looking thoughtful. “Not really. Luddy always stopped us from that. He hated it when we fought. Especially after one time Da and I took our anger out on one of our dogs.”

“Did you harm the dog?” Kirkland had to visibly restrain herself from reprimanding the older man.

“No, no no no.” Gilbert shook his head violently. “We’d never hurt our dogs! It’s just we’d shout at each other, and one of our dogs would come in to investigate and we’d yell at them. Lud got so mad at us he made _us_ go into time out.” He smiled, and Ludwig copied him, remembering the instance. The dog they had at the time was a big puppy named Mutig, and had been so scared he wouldn’t go near the two of them for months, only letting Ludwig pet him.

“Hmm. Okay.” Kirkland looked through notes with a frown. “Ludwig also said you and your father had a bigger fight the night you left, a year before the accident. Can you tell me about that?”

“Yeah.” Gilbert cleared his throat and thought for a bit. “I don’t remember what the fight was about, but it might have been either about my friends or my future. Ludwig was going to graduate Middle School and go to Hetalia High, and I was a Junior, but I didn’t want to wait anymore to create my business. I got fed up, and said I was leaving. I packed my bags, and talked to West one last time.”

He was about to continue but Kirkland interrupted. “You both call each other East and West. Can you explain that to me? Ludwig had said that he couldn’t remember a name, but could remember the nickname East for you.”

Gilbert chuckled. “Oh that. I almost forgot the reason; it was so long ago when we started. It was actually Ludwig who made them up. We had been born in Berlin, but there were these two hospitals called East hospital and West hospital. We were born in both, and when Ludwig asked the age old question of how he was born, I told him about it, and he said ‘You’re East. I’m West.’ And then after, we just called each other that nickname.”

Both men smiled at the memory. It was very childish, like how children made friends just by asking.

“That’s very sweet.” Kirkland remarked before jotting down a note. “Now, you left home and went where?”

“Well, I went to one friend’s house, who was a really close friend. We were so close we tried dating in Freshmen Year, but he broke it off, thinking we were better off friends. But he still took me in, and his family supported my idea of a business. I started my business practically the next week and it slowly got big. I admit I cut all ties from Da, so I didn’t hear anything about West except a news story about a boy being hit and having to go to the hospital. I didn’t really listen to it, because I had been working during the time of the news. When my business was really booming and making lots of money, I moved out of my friend’s place and got myself an apartment. Got really popular for a bit before deciding to let myself fade from the spotlight the city was putting me under. I started a chain, and before long, the whole State had one in each big city.”

“Did you ever hear from your father during the fifteen years Ludwig had been in a coma?” Kirkland asked, and Ludwig perked up, wondering the same thing.

“Not exactly.” Gilbert shifted again. “About four years ago I get a call from the local hospital not this one, about Da. It was during the winter, and there was actually snow and ice, and Da had slid trying to stop at a light, getting hit by a car. He was in bad shape, and wasn’t expected to make it through the night. The hospital had learned that I was related to him and they called me to tell me to come. I all but dropped what I was doing to get there. I mean, we may have last seen each other in a bad way, and that would have eaten me alive if I knew he had died thinking I hated him. He was awake, I guess you could say, when I was able to see him. It was an experience that I never want to see again. He was covered in wires and hooked up to all kinds of weird beeping machines, and he had such a look of pain on his face. He couldn’t speak, cause he had a tube down his throat to try and let him breathe, but he could see.” Gilbert stopped, eyes misting and tears appearing again, but not falling still. “I felt so bad I cried in front of him. I wanted to ask why I was called and not Lud, but he couldn’t answer and none of the hospital staff would answer me. I told him I was sorry for leaving all those years ago, that I wanted to make it up to him. He just nodded and listened to me talk. It was nice to talk to him again, but all too soon I was told I had to go.

“He lasted for longer than they thought. He was fighting to live for about three days before his body just couldn’t continue.” Gilbert blinked and looked over at Ludwig. “Tut mir leid,Siekonnte nicht sehen,Da.”

Ludwig didn’t know how to process this information. He was overwhelmed with emotions by seeing his brother, and now he learned his Da had died while he had been in a coma. He just nodded, afraid his voice wouldn’t work.

Chapter done!

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: All in German  
> Mein Gott: my god  
> mein bruder: my brother  
> Mutig: Brave(I can see someone naming a dog brave in another language shut up)  
> Mutti: Mom  
> Tut mir leid, Sie konnte nicht sehen, Da: I'm sorry you couldn't see Da.
> 
> Author's Notes: Wow, I used a lot of 'M' words in German, huh? Hehe.  
> Anyway, here are some feels. I really wanted to write about the lives these boys had had, as well as show them slightly differently. especially Gil's friends. So that's why we get to see a side of Fran no one normally puts him in. He is always seen as the player and sleeping with anyone. All I can say to that is :P I think he'd be waiting for the right time and right person, and all that is just rumours because he's with a lot of girls.  
> You can also just guess who that close friend of Gil's is. I don't think I'll actually show him, but... Who knows?  
> Sorry the boys sound a little OOC, but seriously, if you just met your sibling after years, and I mean a good sibling who you loved to bits, wouldn't you cry too?  
> Next chapter should have more backstory, so I will see ya next chapter!


	16. When can I leave?

“Are you okay, Ludwig?” Kirkland looked him over closely, concern hiding in her eyes.

Ludwig hesitated, before nodding. “Uh, yeah, I’m okay.” His throat felt dry, and had to cough before speaking again. “It’s just a… Big shock.”

“It was a big shock for everyone. Da’s friends and family all came to see him off over the weeks before he died.” Gilbert placed a hand on Ludwig’s shoulder with an odd smile, almost a grimace, on his face. “But, it was also nice to see our relatives again. A lot of our cousins are married now.”

“Cousins?” Ludwig knew the word, but couldn’t remember who his cousins were.

“Oh, well, one of our aunts had two kids, Lili and Vash, and an uncle had a son named Roddy. We didn’t see them much when we moved here. Most of our family still lives in Germany.” Gilbert explained. “Anyway, Roddy married this hot headed chick named Liz and Lili was engaged to a scary looking woman. Had their wedding on hold until they could find a place that was okay with same sex marriage, and I think finally married in the Netherlands. For some reason they didn’t want the Life Partnership thing Germany has already, and the wedding was really…” Gilbert smiled at the memory. “Better than nice, really. I had not words for it then, and still no words for it.”

Ludwig nodded, thinking hard about what his cousins might look like, and who they were married to. “That sounds really nice. I’m happy for them.”

“Yeah. Oh, and they were all asking about you, but since I didn’t know, and Da couldn’t answer when we were alive, we all kinda worried you either didn’t care about Da, or you had died and Da never told us.” Gilbert’s eyes sparked as an idea formed in his head. “But, man, will they all be shocked to know about what happened to you! As soon as you get out of here, we’re holding a family get together. Maybe we could go to Germany this time. We could visit our family and everything. If you want, of course, West.”

Ludwig smiled at the thought. He really wanted to remember more about himself, and maybe seeing family could help. Having his brother here was help enough. He nodded.

“Great! So, doc, when _can_ he leave?” Gilbert turned to Kirkland.

“Hmm, well, he is doing very well, so I’d say soon. He’s remembering, he will have a place to go to when he leaves. But there is still the problem of how he got here, and his schooling. He has been missing about the entirety of high school, as well as possibly going to college or university.” Kirkland looked at some papers as she spoke.

“Don’t worry about that, miss!” Gilbert gave a short laugh. “I can help him with all that. I’m his big brother, I’m supposed to, anyway.”

Kirkland hummed before giving a curt nod. “We can discuss that in another meeting.” She looked at her clock on her desk before blinking slowly. “I did not notice the time. We seem to have to end this session. I have another patient due in a few minutes.”

“Am I still allowed to stay with Lud?” Gilbert’s eyes looked worried as he looked at Kirkland.

“Hm? Of course, but only until visiting hours ends, and only in areas allowed by both nurses and the patients.” Kirkland stated, before standing with the men, shaking Gilbert’s hand. “It is wonderful to make progress with your brother, and it would be good to see if we can speed up his recovery.”

Ludwig and Gilbert walked out of the office together, and Ludwig guided him to the activities room. They found an empty table to sit at and talked some more. Gilbert asked a lot of questions about life at home after he left and life here. Ludwig answered honestly, telling him what he remembered, and about the last day when he was fifteen about the accident.

“I was walking home, I think, and it was getting dark, so I saw these car lights coming from behind, and when I turn around, this truck is a second away from me. It’s black after that, and when I woke up, it was at this hospital and I had no memories at all.” Ludwig recalled all the pain and noise he first felt when he woke up.

“I’m really sorry, Luddy.” Gilbert had a guilty look on his face as Ludwig spoke. “Maybe if I hadn’t had left, you wouldn’t have been hit, or you wouldn’t have had almost a year of learning about yourself.”

“You can’t blame yourself, East.” Ludwig thought of all that had happened because he lost his memories. “If anything had changed, I wouldn’t have been here, and I wouldn’t have met you this way.” In his mind he saw a pretty brunette smiling at him. “I also wouldn’t have met some people. Like this nurse, Malcolm, or Doctor Kirkland, or…” Ludwig’s face felt warm as he thought about Felicia and her very pretty smile.

Gilbert looked at his brother closely, before a wicked smirk crossed his face. “Hat mein kleiner Bruder ein Auge auf jemanden?”

Ludwig jumped, warmth flooding his face. “Nein!” he shook his head violently.

“Sie tun!” Gilbert laughed again, which was a loud and annoying laugh to Ludwig, but also a comforting familiarity.

“M-mund halten!” Ludwig stuttered slightly, feeling his whole face light up in heat. “I do not.”

“Uh huh.” Gilbert nodded with a smirk. “And I’m not your older brother. Come on, West. You used to be good at hiding crushes from me. But your face is the shade of a heart, so spill. Who is this person?”

Ludwig mumbled her name.

“Sorry, can you speak up?” Gilbert leant forward tilting his ear closer to Ludwig. “I didn’t quite catch that.”

He groaned. “I like-”

He was interrupted by a loud screech and suddenly his brother was tackled on the floor.

Chapter done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: German  
> Hat mein kleiner Bruder ein Auge auf jemanden: Does my little brother have a crush on someone?  
> Sie tun: You so do!  
> Mund halten: sh-shut up!
> 
> Author's notes: I know I was originally going to go into more backstory, but I seem to have forgotten what more of the backstory I wanted so...  
> I tried to have the Germanic countries related. Also, the scary looking woman Lili married is Belarus. I didn't really know who she would go with, because I've seen ships with lili and vash, or lili and liz, but I don't want them together, but still wanted her to be with someone, sooooooo, Belarus it is!  
> Guess what happened to Gil?  
> See ya next chapter!


	17. How do you know each other?

Ludwig jumped out of his chair to see where his brother was, and saw him pinned by the angry brunette he had seen before with Felicia, the woman almost emitting her own aura of anger.

“Sorella!” “Gilbert!” was shouted at the same time.

Ludwig turned around to see Felicia rushing to the pair on the floor, who were both now locked in combat as the woman tried to attack Gilbert and Gilbert himself trying to defend himself and stop her at the same time.

Felicia froze as she saw Ludwig and who the woman was on top of.

“Di tutte le persone che speravo di non vedere.” Ludwig heard Felicia mutter under her breath, but couldn’t understand what she said.

She returned her gaze to the two on the floor as they both her the woman give a yell of anger.

“Perché cazzo sei qui, tu ALBINO bastardo!” She shrieked. “Vaffanculo, bastardo! Non ho mai voluto vedere voi oi vostri amici mai più!”

Gilbert seemed to understand what the woman was shouting, and was grunting as he responded when she tried to hit him.

“Mi dispiace! Tutti abbiamo detto ci è dispiaciuto! Smettila, Kat! Io non sapevo nemmeno che tu fossi qui!” He shouted to her, and she seemed to slow down, breathing heavily. Several nurses arrived just then and yanked the woman away from him.

Gilbert got up, and looked at the woman with a very guilty look. “We didn’t mean anything when that happened, Kat. Especially Ant. You’ve got to know that he would never have allowed it.”

Ludwig was bewildered at what had happened. How did this woman know his brother? Was it possibly that memory he had about remembering Felicia he had a couple months ago? He looked between his brother and the woman, and saw both had a touch of sorrow written on their faces, and the woman was crying heavily, almost falling limp as the nurses held her. Felicia was holding her too, whispering words Ludwig couldn’t hear.

Gilbert walked slowly to the woman, carefully not to set her off. “I’m sorry. I really mean it.”

“East?” Ludwig found his voice, and caused all three to jump.

The nurses holding the woman looked at one another before carefully dragging her away, before Felicia stopped them.

“No please! She won’t do it again. Please! I think she needs to talk, please don’t take her away.” She pleaded.

“Yes, please don’t take her away just yet. I know her. I really need to talk to her anyway.” Gilbert put in, standing next to Felicia.

Saying Ludwig felt lost was an understatement. He was clueless and hadn’t a hope to understand if he didn’t hear anything. He walked to the two pleading and added his voice.

“I really think they need to speak. You can keep an eye on us, but I think it might be good to let them talk.” He put in, and saw Gilbert give his grimace-like smile at him.

The nurses muttered to each other before assenting, dragging the woman to the table and sitting her down carefully, one ordering her not to do anything as they made space, all on high alert for any sudden movement from the woman.

“Th-thank you.” Felicia gave a sad smile to the two men as they all sat down at the table.

“Before we start, I need to ask how you know each other?” Ludwig burst out before even a second of silence started, receiving varying glares from Felicia’s sympathetic look to the woman’s defeated angry glare.

“Uh, well…” Gilbert rubbed his neck before answering. “Kat and I were friends with a mutual friend, Antonio, in High School. Feli here-”

“I know Felicia.” Ludwig interrupted his brother with a slight heat to his face, causing his brother to give him the wicked smirk again. “We met here when I still didn’t know my own name.”

“Uh, yes, that’s when we knew each other!” Felicia added hurriedly.

“Smettila diparlarecosì, idiota.” The woman, Kat, muttered to Felicia.

“Speak English, Kat, please.” Felicia replied. “I won’t until you do.”

Kat grumbled before raising her head with a pointed look. “ _Fine, idiota._ I’ll speak English.”

“Anyway, we knew each other in High School, and my friends and I might have accidently done something to her that caused her to move schools.” Gilbert looked uncomfortable as he spoke, not even meeting Kat’s eyes as she seemed to throw daggers with them. “We played a prank on a bunch of girls, and it included her, and Ant knew she wouldn’t be able to take it, but we didn’t know she was with the girls.”

“Because of you bastards, I had to come here, and have been stuck here ever since.” Kat hissed.

Chapter Done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: Italian  
> Smettila di parlare così, idiota: stop speaking like that, idiot.  
> Mi dispiace! Tutti abbiamo detto ci è dispiaciuto! Smettila, Kat! Io non sapevo nemmeno che tu fossi qui: I’m sorry! We all said we’re sorry! Stop it, Kat! I didn’t even know you were here too!  
> Perché cazzo sei qui, tu ALBINO bastardo: Why the fuck are you here, you albino bastard!  
> Vaffanculo, bastardo! Non ho mai voluto vedere voi oi vostri amici mai più: Fuck you, bastard! I never wanted to see you or your friends ever again  
> Di tutte le persone che speravo di non vedere: Of all the people I was hoping not to see.
> 
> Author's Notes: Well, that was fun to write. I almost forgot to post this. I also really hope I'm writing the translations correctly, seeing as I only have Google Translate to lean on.  
> I might or might not try to think of the actual prank the Trio did that could cause Kat to go to the hospital, but for now it's just vague as a smudge.  
> Anyway, see ya next chapter!


	18. Where did Luddy come from?

Ludwig’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. His brother caused a girl to go to the hospital?

Gilbert looked just as shocked. “We. I. Kat, you. What?” He stammered for a good minute before stopping to think properly. “Okay, we were seriously stupid teens back then; I’m cringing at all the things I did when I was young and unawesomely paying for it now.” He glanced at Ludwig as he said this. “But I’m also apologizing and regretting everything we did. We didn’t know first of that it was you, or that it would impact you so badly. Kat you have to believe me.”

“Like hell I’d believe you. Tonio I’d believe, not you or the perv.” Kat snapped back, crossing her arms over her chest angrily.

“Would you like me to find Ant so he could tell you the same thing? ‘Cause I can, if you really want it from his mouth.” Gilbert lifted a cell phone from his pocket.

Ludwig saw Kat have an internal battle with herself before she nodded. “Tonio’s the only one I’d trust out of you three.”

“Fine. Hold on, I’ll call him.” Gilbert stood up and walked a bit away, placing the phone to his ear.

At the table, it was quiet and uncomfortable for the three of them. Or at least, for Ludwig and Felicia, who couldn’t look each other in the eyes.

Finally working the courage, Ludwig cleared his throat. “So, you are Felicia’s sister?”

Kat glared at him, before softening slightly. “Yes. I’m Feli’s sorella. Name’s Katrina. I was in the year below your bastardo fratello. That’s how we first met.”

“You’ve known my brother since he was in High school?” Ludwig asked.

“Duh. Even with the size of the school, him and his two close friends were notorious. Though most of the talk are just dumb rumours made by jealous girls and stuck up snobs.” She replied flippantly.

“Huh. Okay.” Ludwig was quiet, looking over at his brother who was speaking on the phone quietly. He turned back to the table. “When I first talked to you, or you talking to me, outside your door, what were you saying?”

Felicia straightened and stared intently at her sister.

Katrina shrugged. “Like I’m supposed to know? I was mad, and when I get mad I can’t remember what I say after a day. And anyway, when was that? Like a month ago? Like hell I’d remember that far back.”

Ludwig frowned but before he could ask another question, Gilbert came back with the phone held toward Katrina.

“Here, Ant wants to talk to you.” He said, offering the phone to her. She took it carefully, putting the phone to her ear.

“Ciao, Tonio?” She greeted neutrally.

Her face turned pink as the person, Antonio, replied to her, and she had to stand and walk away from the table to talk to him.

“I hope those two make up. She was really actually happy with him.” Felicia quietly told the men.

“Yeah, and Ant was extra airy and lost in the clouds when they were together. It was really funny since he’d walk into literally anything. A teacher, student, wall, door, anything you name it.” Gilbert and Felicia smiled, while Ludwig looked at the two confused.

Feeling too confused to try to talk to the two of them, Ludwig felt a nagging memory trying to show itself to him. He decided he wanted to know what this memory was, so followed it.

* * *

 

_“Ludwig? That’s a really cool name!” The girl, Feli, said animatedly. “You really look like a Ludwig, you know? Though I don’t really know what a Ludwig would look like, so I wouldn’t really be able to tell truthfully. Still, you really have a cool name.” She was completely different than she was just a few seconds ago._

_“Really? Thanks.” Ludwig smiled at the girl. Not many people said that about either names he had been called, and it was really nice hearing a compliment. “Feli is a pretty name.”_

_“Veh? You think so?” She smiled brightly, braces flashing briefly before Ludwig could blink. “Thank you! I’ve always liked that better than my full name. It’s Felicia, by the way, but Feli is so cute and short and so easy to say. And, it’s almost gender neutral so if someone only had that name they wouldn’t know if I was a girl or a guy!”_

_“How is that a good thing? Wouldn’t they misgender you if they think you’re a guy?” He scrunched his face in bewilderment. This was a very strange girl, that was for certain._

_“Hmm, I don’t know.” It looked like Feli was going to talk more about the subject before she flinched, rubbing the back of her head. “Ow!”_

_“What are you blathering about now, Feli? No one can keep up with you when you run your damn mouth so fast.” The two looked behind them to see an older girl who could only be a sister of Feli’s._

_“That hurt, sorella. Why’d you do that?” Feli whined, tears welling up in her eyes, alarming Ludwig._

_“Oh shut up.” Feli’s sister stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulders and walking down the aisle with the other students as the bus finally reached school._

_“She’s so mean to me. For no reason at all.” Feli pouted for a second. “Anyway, we should get up. C’mon Luddy!”_

_Ludwig blinked at the nickname. It was a new one. His brother had only ever called him Ludwig or Lud, while his Da only called him his first name, and everyone else called him a mixture of the three. Luddy was a nice name, and it made him blush at the nickname._

_“Luddy? Come on, we can’t stay in the bus forever, you know.” Feli’s voice called Ludwig back to reality._

_He got up and let her go ahead of him, noticing he was a few centimeters taller than her._

_“Hey, wanna have lunch together today?” Feli asked him as they headed to the school building._

_“Uh, sure. Where do you wanna meet?” Ludwig nodded._

_“Hmm, the entrance of the cafeteria! See ya Luddy!”_

* * *

 

“Lud?” He almost jumped a clean foot into the air when his brother called to him.

“Back to earth, are we?” Gilbert laughed.

Ludwig ignored him, looking at Felicia closely. “We did know each other, before my accident, didn’t we?”

Felicia jumped a bit, looking surprised. “We did? I… I don’t know, maybe? High school was a horror and I can’t remember much about it. Did you remember something else?”

“We knew each other maybe a few months before the accident. Met on the bus going to school.” Ludwig said, looking at her as he spoke to see if she would react. “We sat next to each other because I had nowhere else to sit, and you were the one who started talking with me.”

Felicia blinked a couple times before understanding dawned over her face. “I think… I think I remember that. But I can’t remember seeing you again after that. Or at least, that often. I was so busy with homework and other friends I kinda forgot about you, though I have no idea why.”

“What do you mean?” Ludwig asked, not noticing Gilbert’s smirk. He looked at Felicia, whose face suddenly turned dark pink. “You okay?”

“Veh? Uh…” She looked around, her entire face and neck pink. She didn’t seem to want to look Ludwig in the eyes for the moment.

“Say it to my face then!” Katrina yelled into the phone from across the room, causing everyone to look at her warily. The nurses glanced at her warningly and Katrina blushed before lowering her voice. Ludwig saw her sigh and hang up the phone before walking over to them.

She gave the phone to Gilbert and sat down carefully.

“Sooo, how’d it go?” Gilbert asked nonchalantly.

Katrina narrowed her eyes at him before answering. “Fine. You and he better come back here tomorrow. Tonio said he would with you.” She spoke with little room to argue or negotiate, Ludwig was impressed.

Gilbert sighed in defeat. “Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll be back. I still want to spend as much time with my bruder as possible.”

Soon it was time for visitors to leave and Katrina and Ludwig saw their siblings walk off to the elevator together. When they left the two patients stood awkwardly before Katrina spoke.

“Credo che ci vediamo domani, patate.” She said before walking to her room, leaving Ludwig wondering if she had just called him a potato.

Chapter Done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Credo che ci vediamo domani, patate: I guess I'll see you tomorrow, potato.
> 
> Author's notes: Gah, my muse! It's trying to flee because I'm trying to think of maybe... 6 different stories at once and can't keep track... ^.^''  
> New chapters might be taking longer cuz I just started school again, and this is my last semester, and I want to graduate. One of the things I'll have to do this semester is write something as my final big project, and I don't know how long or anything about it really.   
> I'll see you next chapter, whenever that'll be!


	19. Gilbert's friends

_Ludwig woke to soft crying coming from his brother’s room. He sat up and heard some of East’s friends talking along with the crying, East talking among them. Ludwig wondered who was crying._

_He carefully got out of bed and padded to the paper thin walls that separated their rooms, pressing an ear against it to hear more._

_“Okay, man, tell us again what the hell just happened?” East asked in a tone Ludwig didn’t think was possible for his brother, it was like how Ludwig would talk to their dogs._

_“It… hic… started a week ago.” The crying person – Ludwig guessed it was the blond friend, Francis – hiccupped several times to keep his voice level. “Several of my exes have told their parents I *hic* I ra-*hic* had sex with them against their *hic* will and the principal told my parents and now they *hic* want me out.”_

_“They WHAT?” Ludwig jumped at the shout and heard frantic shushing. His brother took a breath before going again. “They what? Are you joking? Don’t they fucking know you? How could they believe those girls over you?”_

* * *

 

Ludwig woke with a start, glancing at his clock to see it was only a little after midnight.

Still tired, he didn’t give his dream another thought as he fell back asleep.

* * *

 

_“Luddy!” Feli cried happily, wrapping her arms around Ludwig as he reached their lunch spot with their friends. The new girl, Sakura was sitting down already with Feli’s sister and her friends. “You took forever to get here! Were you held up or something?”_

_“Nein, uh, no, I was just… My locker wouldn’t open for some reason.” He told the half-truth, because he didn’t want to explain how his locker had been vandalized by someone who must have come from his middle school and knew him._

_“Oh, I hate it when that happens. It happens_ all _the time for me, but that’s because I also forget the combo for my lock and then I spend at least five minutes trying to remember or going for different combos I’d think would be the combo before I finally realize the combo, or there are times I’m not even at my locker!” Feli laughed, a sound that Ludwig could listen to forever and still like it. “Has that ever happened to you, Luddy? Oh, what about you, Sakura, Kat? Hmm?”_

_“Feli, shut up and eat.” Her sister replied, tugging Feli down, Ludwig sitting next to her._

_“Uhm, not really.” Sakura answered, speaking slowly to get her English correct. “It’s really, um, simple to find my locker. And combo is easy.”_

_“Lucky! I must have the worst luck in the world!” Feli whined before Kat shoved a cherry tomato into her mouth to stop her from talking anymore._

_“Really, why do I sit with her?” She turned to her friends, a quiet girl Ludwig never got the name of, and a guy that was just as grumpy as she was._

_Feli swallowed the tomato and smiled at her sister. “Aw, sorella, you love me, that’s why!”_

_Kat rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything, just continued to eat._

_“And because that dumb boyfriend of hers is off again for no reason again.” The guy muttered._

_“Shut up!” Kat reddened. “Tonio is just busy. He told me this before, idiota!”_

_“Uh huh, okay.” The guy looked bored as he kept eating._

* * *

 

Ludwig woke with a start, confused where he was for a second. The dreams he had had were already fading from his mind, but he felt like he knew what they were about anyway.

He rolled out of bed and went about his usual routine of the morning before going to get breakfast.

On the way to the cafeteria area where all the other patients were, Ludwig almost ran into Katrina, who had been heading in the other way.

She made a noise of annoyance when she noticed whom she had nearly walked into. “Idiota, watch where you’re walking.” She hurried away before Ludwig could apologize.

Ludwig thought nothing of it until visiting hours started, when he had seen two brown haired blurs approach him.

“Ludwig!” Feli smiled, her face lighting up brilliantly. “Have you seen your brother yet?”

Ludwig shook his head. “They should be here soon. East did promise to be here with his friend.”

“They better get here soon, the idiotas.” Katrina grumbled, her eyes scanning the halls around them with a mix of eagerness and apprehension.

They heard a loud laugh that was very familiar to Ludwig from memories from behind them. Turning around, the three saw Gilbert and another man striding over to them. As soon as Katrina saw the other man, her indifferent mask seemed to smash apart, leaving a very vulnerable face. The man must have seen this expression and all but teleported to her side, hugging her hard.

“Lindo, te extrañé mucho. Lo siento mucho por todo lo que hicimos cuando éramos jóvenes!” Ludwig just heard the man murmur to Katrina.

Katrina tried hard to keep her voice low, but Ludwig and the others could still hear her. “Stupido, idiota, stronzo, mi sei mancata così tanto, Tonio.”

The man laughed before pulling away slightly. “I’m so happy to see you, Kat.”

Chapter done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: Spanish and Italian  
> Lindo, te extrañé mucho. Lo siento mucho por todo lo que hicimos cuando éramos jóvenes: Cute, I missed you so much. I'm sorry for what we did when we were young.  
> Stupido, idiota, stronzo, mi sei mancata così tanto, Tonio: Stupid, idiot, asshole, I missed you so much, Tonio.
> 
> Author's notes: I am so sorry for not updating in a long time. School is now my number one priority, because I really need to graduate, and I really want to get into university, so... Yea.  
> I'm really tired, so I don't have much to say for this author's notes. Sorry it's short, but I did want to add a chapter sometime this week.  
> Looking back on how I planned on having this story going, I did not know I was going to be adding Spamano, not that I'm complaining. They really are a cute ship.  
> Hopefully next chapter won't take a month to get here! See ya whenever my next chapter comes!


	20. 5 Years Later

Ludwig woke to the smell of breakfast cooking. He rolled out of bed, still thinking of the dream he had just had, a distant memory of when he had first woken up after the coma.

He stumbled into the kitchen for coffee and food that he knew would be ready by the time he entered the room. She always seemed to be finished making breakfast before Ludwig was even up.

“Morning sleepyhead!” Feli smiled, and every time Ludwig saw that smile he melted. “I made sausages this morning.”

“What’s the occasion?” Ludwig returned the smile as he sat down opposite Feli to eat with her.

“Oh, no reason.” She reddened ever so slightly as she stretched the words. Ludwig could tell she was trying to hide something, but didn’t push, knowing she would burst soon enough.

Turns out she was able to hide the surprise for another few hours. The two were heading out to meet with Feli’s sister when she pulled Ludwig to a stop.

“Luddy, you know that we’ve been a married for only a couple years now, and that we’ve been trying but it would never work.” She couldn’t look at Ludwig in the face as she spoke, and Ludwig couldn’t tell if the news she was trying to tell him was good or bad.

“Yeah? Why?” Ludwig prompted when a long stretch of silence surrounded them.

Feli looked up, biting her lower lip. “I think I’m pregnant.”

Ludwig all but fainted at the news. “That’s fantastic, Feli!”

The next couple hours went by in a blur for Ludwig. Feli told Katrina and her boyfriend Antonio, both of whom were very excited, though Katrina threatened to castrate Ludwig if he didn’t help Feli while she was pregnant.

Nine months later, the two had twins, a girl and a boy. The two were named Alice Daisy and Sebastian Soren, and both sides of the family were thrilled to have them.

As the twins grew up, Ludwig would tell them many different stories.

“Da, can you tell us about the day you met Mama?” Alice asked one night as Ludwig tucked her and her brother into bed when they were ten.

“Which day?” Ludwig smiled at the confused expression his daughter gave him. “I met her twice. The first time I met her when I was a teen, and the first time when I woke from that coma.”

“From the coma! You barely tell us why you were even in there in the first place!” Sebastian cried, excited to hear a story.

Ludwig laughed. “Alright, alright. Okay.” He sat at the end of Alice’s bed, facing both his children as Feli entered the room. “This will take a while to explain, but here we go.

“I woke up with a big pain in my head, and couldn’t remember anything…”

Story Done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This Alice is pronounced Ah-LEE-che
> 
> Author's notes: I finished the story! I'm really sorry that I had to end it there, but I needed to finish it. We don't really need to know what exactly happens to everyone, and I gave enough hints for ya'll to figure out most of it.  
> I really hope you enjoyed this story, I had tons of fun writing it, even though it started out as a 'what if' and I never actually met to write it.  
> Thank you for reading Who was I? Who am I now? Thank you so much for the nice comments, too!! It made writing this story so fun!

**Author's Note:**

> Comment, review, kudos!


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